[Tuesday, November 6, 2001|03:59 p.m.]

| oh my shit... |

christ on a kracker. fuali.com is making me feel super retarded. regarde:
- 48% goth. "Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance you're bi. Freakiness pumps through your viens, but you can still laugh at yourself. " great.
- 28% raver. even though i've never BEEN to a rave. bloody hell, i haven't even gone to a school dance since grade 7!
- 26% geek. wow...something is wrong if i'm more of a raver, than a geek. because, my friends...i AM a geek. i do not dispute that.
- 14% punk. eh, well...that was to be expected...
[bono vox: emma blowgun's last stand - beulah]

[TUESNOV62001|03:37 p.m.]

| bedroom eyes lead to blurry vision |

ok. so i kould almost revise my opinion about julian arsehole from the strokes, because i saw the nardwuar interview again, and really, he's not such an arsehole as i recall him being, he's actually being quite a stoned little sport...BUT the sook yin/wedge interview, he was INDEED an arsehole. so i kannot change my mind. sorry, julian....[but julian, i'm a little bit younger than you. (ha, by like 2 weeks, but what the ever...)]

and mr. nick valensi has skinnier legs than cherakee stoddard. you don't ever want to see this boy from the side in jeans, my friends. i dig scrawny, but not ethiopian....
[bono vox: earthcrosser - veruca salt]

[MONNOV52001|07:34 p.m.]

| that's where we meet, that's where we drown yeah yeah |

i just spoke to just about every member of little alex's family as she tried to locate the source of a mysterious fuzziness on her phone. she ran all over the house and unplugged and tested various phones [they have 5], and her dad was holding the phone at one point, then her mom [who said 'frigging' which always surprises me when alex's family swears. because they have both expressed disapproval at my mouth on different occasions] i surmised it was a wee ghostie, despite the fact that alex's house was built in like 1996. this leads me to believe that Grammy HeHe is a murdering psychopath. her quiet and demure exteriour, and christian magazines all a cover for her blood lust.

jamie, the song that screams your name the most is shotgun dedication. download_now.

holy lord. the guy that fixed my computer ALSO spit allll over my screen. all these little rainbow dots. what the fuck is wrong with the male species and their various fluids? are they not kapable of keeping them to theirselves?

mofo. i hath forgotten all that i doth meant to say. buggery!
[bono vox: it's all over now baby blue - hole]

[MONNOV52001|05:27 p.m.]

|you kan always go back to rehab |

i kan see klearly now, the fuzz is gone! tra la la my comp has been un-raped. de-raped? dunno. the same guy who messed UP my comp some 2 months ago returned [bringing my printer kable and discman adaptor, shank you very much...] with my still inoperative skanner. and i mentioned that my colours were all messed up [i did not however mention how it happened. ] and he did something that i SWEAR i tried...i swear it. now that my kolours are back i KOULD start a layout of some sort [harlis? pheromones? good fortune?] but no. now i kan't upload to eccentrica for some unknown reason and that's my only space. perhaps i should suss out somewhere else.

oh right! MOULDY NEWSFLASH! MOULDY NEWSFLASH! i meant to tell everyone like 2 weeks ago. i forgot. and now we're having it again tonight. so all my meat eating friends, try the old el paso chicken soft taco kits. you need to buy like a chicken breast and the kit and you're good to go. the kits got 20 soft tacos, seasoning and ranch dressing. you MUST try these things! the ranch stuff on the fajitas is magic. and then you kan put whatever toppings. i put grated cheddar and sour kream. james put tomatoes on his. they're sososo good. trrruuuusssst me.

so. today mr. penny liked our bra project, and then kept me after klass for 30 minutes discussing my future. i do believe he told us on the first day of last year that by the end of the year he'd have a kareer path and university picked out for us. he made several valient attempts at me [ kinestiologist, jazz singer [?], actress, boatbuilder on the koast of Wales...] but has not got me pinpointed yet. he's pretty much decided on acting for me, and thinks i should go to halifax. i told him i wanted to escape as far away as possible. he's thinking journalism at kings. he doesn't think mount allison is for me. i told him i was checking out the journalism thing at kings, possibly for a photojournalism thingy. he's not so sure about that. he also said that he doesn't worry about me. some kids, he said, he worries about, because he sees them walk across the stage come graduation with this starry look, and he doesn't think i'm that naieve. i tried to tell him that that quality is usually identified as cynicism and bitterness by people who know me [ie MUM], and that it's never been kommunicated to me that it's one of my more positive traits. he thinks it's GOOD however, that i live in a place where i don't fit in [and subsequently am not happy being here...] because living here and being different and not being accepted has made me get to know myself, and if i moved away to a place where i belonged...then...i wouldn't? so...being unhappy kreates a...better self awareness? judge judy shiendlin would be inklined to disagree. anyway, it was an interesting chat. as chats with penny usually are. he is wracking his brain trying to find an institute of higher learning for me to attend. oh well, at least someone's thinking...

speaking of dear mama, we've haven't really been talking since friday. i think i made things worse by emailing dad in a fit of anger and demanding he talk to her. and apparently he phoned yesterday, so i don't know what happened. i've been avoiding her, becuase she just might feel inclined to address the issue once more. i don't want to "have a talk". she was talking to me quite a bit afterschool, and in her normal tone of voice, but that was probably because her friend was here. but i did notice that my hair appointment [the harmless one, to get my hair dyed...they wouldn't apply makeup on tuesday for a picture on thursday...] had been violently scratched out. she means business. for once.

i don't want to get my grad picture with a patch of dry red skin on my face. last week i was breaking out, and so i freaked out and attacked it with all sorts of skinkare products, hoping to klear my skin up for grad photo. i'm left with what lookes like a rash near my mouth. i am applying lotion 12 times a day now. because i've only got the one picture [i guess], and i think that's the side of my face that faces the kamera. sigh. great. mom will be pretty smug if i go in w/o makeup and get a picture taken of me in fucking HIVES or something. oh well, at least cher had a mystery scratch on her face today. we were freakshow twins. and then amanda bled all over everyone....he. and alex said nothing because her voice is toast!

the children were just in their room freaking out to the hampsterdance, as per usual. they were rattling the china and i opened the door to tell them so, and warn them severly and cement my position as a killjoy bitch to the snow kids [the must hate me. oh well, the affection is returned]. but i just heard a big krash, so i am going to go turn it off [YES!] and make 'em go somewhere else. ahh...the rush and thrill of authority.
[bono vox: old age - hole]

[SUNNOV42001|07:28 p.m.]

| suckers blow and... |

? really? ....?

this has been no weekend.....

12+ hours working. approx. 8 hours babysitting, plus untold homework...let's total up how much cashola i have earned: $123. plus i am owed $36 by my illustrious friends. why am i babbling? the children didn't understand why i was tired. i told them ruefully that once when i was about their age i decided that when i was an adult, i wouldn't like sleeping all the time like my mom. and i have failed myself on all fronts. i'm even beginning to like naps. they were horrified. and then they started saying that i had a bad life. perhaps i scared them a bit too hard.

extremely wary of being exploited,
leen.
[bono vox: teen anthems - we're indie shit]

[SUNNOV42001|12:12 a.m.]

| takers leave, leavers take |

any takers? according to the nov. schedule of spotlights, bran van 3000 is on the 6th, weezer = 19, and sloan = 26. anyone interested? want me to tape? oh right first of all...who wants a mixed VHS tape? am i wasting my breath. during the summer i meant to go through my tapes and make a page pretty much like robin's trade apge...pretty much listing what i have. i have a lot on tape children. lots of stuff from the wedge, etc. i taped the extremely uncomfortable joel plaskett interview with rick from thurs. ick.

because recordcollection.net is down: i want joel's album, and also sweet release by the flashing lights. because i should stop komplaining about the music that my local store doesn't karry, when there is a fucking music MECCA an hour's drive away. hooray for the hometown boys. it's not my hometown, but whatever,....i sang farewell to nova scotia tonight and with more gusto than my friends, the actual nova scotians. big up to the tee dot oh dot, my former hometown which i am now horribly out of touch with. jah!

shotgun, kalled it.
[bono vox: - ]

[FRINOV22001|10:54 p.m.]

| count me out |

MANIFESTO; makeup kan only make you look uglier.

sub-rule #1 makeup is for halloween, ie: when you wanna look like someone other than yourself.

sub-rule #2 if makeup isn't for boys, then it isn't for girls either. [easy to remember: if your boyfriend doesn't wear makeup, then neither should you...]

sub-rule #3 your skin will thank you.

noticing two 'hair appointments' for colleen on the kalender for next week, i suspiciously enquired what the second one was for, probably a bad idea because she was in a bad mood [i have no idea why. i'd just sat outside the klosed mall for 20 minutes without a jacket waiting for her to kome for me...previous to that i worked for 7 hours...] and so was i [when she picked me up she was like "what do you mean you've been waiting for 20 minutes...it's just 10 now!" and when we get home the klock says 10:15.]the one on tuesday is for me to have my hair re-dyed, and the one an hour and 15 minutes before my grad photos appointment is so my hairdresser "kan comb my hair. just komb it out, no charge." my hair is long, but not an-hour-and-15-minutes long. smelling rat i inquire "and i don't suppose while she's 'just kombing my hair out' i will be shackled to the chair and have makeup smeared all over my face?" we haven't had this argument in awhile, and i guess i jsut assumed i'd won. but i guess not. so she starts the spiel about the makeup being 'light' and 'not noticeable', just to 'smooth out my skin tone' makeup that 'only the kamera will see'. i told her that no, i'm not wearing makeup. 'colleen kan't you just do this one thing for me?' no mom, i'm sorry, i absolutely kan't. and she starts to get angry, and she stops trying to sell me on the damn shit, and starts guilting me and attacking me. i am still in absolute shock that she kould say such a thing to me with such malice in her voice, it felt like such a cheap shot, SUCH a low blow, and you shoudl never ever ahve to receive a low blow from your own mother : "...and if you knew anything about photography, then you'd know you've got to wear makeup."

? how often is your mother supposed to hurt your feelings? is your mother suppsoed to mock your possible kareer path? the way she said 'photography'... it was almost fucking sarcasm. it's not a joke mum. don't start in on photography, don't manipulate the situtaion with photography. my grad pictures and maybe possible kareer path have nothing to do with each other and i resent the fact that you're taunting me with my perceived lack of knowledge about it, on your part. it was a twist of the knife, that's for fucking sure.

and then when i realised that i ahd never fully explained my whole belief about makeup. it's long and involved, and i had always jsut said "no mum, makeup is evil..." and that was that, i said to her "mum, i don't think you know how important this is to me...." and then she said "i JUST want you to take a GOOD picture!" trying my hardest to not sound like an accusatory, hysterical teenage daughter [that i'm not] i calmly asked her if she didn't think i was capable of taking a nice picture, trying to make it klear that i konsidered what she had just said to me to be the worst insult ever to be hurled. don't you DARE tell me to fix my fucking face! you'll take a picture of my everyday face or you won't take one at all! i'll never like myself if i'm buried alive under paint. i don't want a false fucking self esteem...because, well, the key word there being 'false', and i want the real thing damn it.

so she said "well then! what's the point? we'll go and get one done for the yearbook and that's it!..."

which is funny; that's what i told her i wanted in the first place.
[bono vox: doll parts [unplugged] - hole]

[WEDOCT312001|09:10 p.m.]

| dyejobs fade |

i'm getting old.
[bono vox: beulah - disco the secretaries blues]

[Wednesday, October 31, 2001|04:06 p.m.]

| |

hola. and happy all hallows eve. i didn't start with 'ok'. 3 points for me.

tra lala. i've forgotten everything i intended to say.
i'm listening to beulah and i SWEAR to the lord above that the lead singer jsut sang "jamie edwards would dig us, yeah yeah. jamie edwards would dig us hard, ooooh yeah." really. i swear it.

i decided on a kostume. the jailbait skirt jsut wasn't suitable for school, or tonight's kold. i am ---get this, what a stretch! rapunzal. people will just look at me and go "that chick with the long hair is wearing 3 nightgowns. what in the hell is she supposed to be?" anyway. yeah. i have forgotten. i'm going to go watch my sloan and stereophonocs tape. have fun tonight.
[bono vox: beulah - ]

[MONOCT292001|03:44 p.m.]

| where's my lipgloss? |

okey dokie. ---
mother fucker! must i ALWAYS start a sentence/paragraph/post with 'ok' or some derivative? and do i really give my sentences a warning "ok..." when i talk? you know, i think i do. i jsut might. alex? amanda? kare to weigh in on this?

anyway...i had a point. right. my group made our east berlin video yesterday, and after we shot our stuff, i took it home and edited it together. i had to find a tape to put the finished product on. this onvolved me going through my krowded tapes, full of stuff to put on various people's xmas mix vhs tapes. i have scads of stuff people. and tonight i noticed there is going to be a stereophonics spotlight. i'm jsut wondering if i should tape this...i don't know why i'm asking. i'll probably tape it for my own benefit, anyway. ok. yeah. i've decided to tape it. christ, what brouhaha...just TAPE the flippin' thing colleen...

haha. we didn't get to title our berlin blockade project, but i kame to school this morning prepared to fight for 'capitalism stole my virginity'. alas...

how embarassing. i had the tape at the right spot to show the klass our stuff. now, in my head i knew that it would roll back a few frames. this does NOT explain why when i put the thing in the vcr, it played s club 7 on some british awards show in big fur coats and winter jackets "singing" 2 in a million, FOR ALMOST AN ENTIRE M I N U T E! WTF!?!?! i thought er...this should only be a kouple seconds, only a few frames. by the 20 second mark i thought to fast forward. and wouldn't you know it i went too far. so i rewound slightly but ended up back in s club 7 ville. so we watched some MORE s club 7. the klass found this amusing. mr. lecain was like "who are these people?" oh well...it least it stretched our presentation that was SUPPOSED to be 10 minutes, but jsut...wasn't. and kouldn't be. we had a backup plan to read our questions if we didn't do 10 minutes worth. but michelle forgot those at home.

and he...i typed up our presentation, and of kourse i wrote all the k's for c's. i didn't think this would kause such mass konfusion. i had group members reading words wrong all OVER the place! lordy.

larry mullen is still hot. fuck bono [HA i just wrote 'bobo'...] he looks like the fucking gatekeeper from nightmare....but larry? doesn't need no korny name, he has all his hair, and is sex with a pair of drum sticks. three cheers for larry mullen jr. the only cool u2 member.
[bono vox: earthcrosser - veruca salt]

[SATOCT272001|05:13 p.m.]

nikolai fraiture is jonny greenwood.



and i would pay good freakin' money for someone to go up to that bitch julian casablancas and casually say "so....you guys are this years at the the drive in...."
[bono vox: - ]

[FRIOCT262001|11:46 p.m.]

| just shut up, we're gonna do this now |

cherakee: "ok colleen i've got to let you go, the dog is about to shit on the floor...i know because i kan see it's arsehole protruding..."
dog *whining in the background like the apocalypse is nearing*
colleen: *on floor, dead. cause of death? laughter.*

i'm on the phone with this child, at a quarter to midnight and we've been talking for over an hour...during the kourse of which i have spotted a krack addled disco singer wearing my prom dress on tv...and cher who does not have the tv on, and kannot turn the tv on because the whole house is asleep goes "oh yeah? blonde hair? big eyes and ugly like papa john's daughter?" and she frigging KNOWS the dress and singer and video i'm talking about. cher has fashion esp. all i have to say is "i jsut saw my prom dress on channel 48! wow, she's on krack..." and i mean, how many people in the 70's were on krack? she had a whole array of krack adled one hit wonders to chose from.

"ahhh...i kan still see robbie lying on the grass, all screwed up on koke..." - cher's mom.

oh right. i'm going to jake's tomorrow. and since i kan't be l'il kim, i'm going to be jailbait. clsoe enough?

*update: the guy from t(i)nc, whom i've always felt looks like one of the kith guys, a) says capitalism funny and b)looks hot in makeup and army fatigues. actually, so does the female keyboard player. hey, i'd do her. oops. i think i'm gay? ha.
[bono vox: valerie loves me - hole]

[FRIOCT262001|10:55 a.m.]

| what was she for halloween? |

haha...i just visited my old, dead, rotting, decaying etc rufus wainwright SuperPage to verify all this...:

Cho-Cho San [played Martha Wainwright]-from madame butterfly, death: ritual suicide
Carmen -from carmen, death: murdered by lover
Mimi -from la boheme, death: "consumption" [aka tuberculosis]
Tosca -from tosca, death: jumped off a bridge
Gilda -[played by Melissa Auf Der Maur] Rigoletta, death: sacrificed herself to a band of thieves

hmmm. i kan't fucking remember. i think it's karmen the one i'm thinking of, that i want to be. but it might be mimi or tosca....

it's hard to send back a lomo to get your money refunded if you kan't fucking FIND it! it was right by the komputer all week! i hope my dad didn't move it. everything is missing. i have lost an entire roll of film, too. arg.

i watched part of a bug's life last night. it was really kute. but i turned it off when the trouble started. i don't think i'll watch the rest of it. i think i'll just leave it pre-turmoil, and be satisfied with that. i am determined to outsmart the disney formula [young Nothing becomes Hero, possibly by a fluke or misunderstanding, and has a secret and if the Heroine found out she won't love him, but she DOES find out, always, then the Hero suffers Crisis of character and wants to quit until either an old man or a young child shows him The Light and then they kome back and save the day, wins Heroine.always] substitute the hims for hers and you've got mulan etc... anyway, i stopped watching just as the Heroine found out The Secret. it gets yucky from ther on in.

the new mgb video is...yawningly matt good. blah. been there, done that. swinging lightbulb and masks? how very hello timebomb. matt in a suit? how very that video with the homeless kid. matt in a korporate environment? how very apparitions, and indestructible. matt interacting with children? how very that one with the homeless kid,a gain. matt playing lead role while others are kontent to make kameos? how very...all of them!

p.s. tender is an awesome grad song, thankyouverymuch. stick that up your arse and twist it, mofos.
[bono vox: valerie loves me - material issue]

[THURSOCT252001|08:08 p.m.]

| what a waste of sperm and egg |

kalling all sloaners with a sense of humour

holy joseph mary and moses macktruck roadkill! the live version of stupid girl is sex on two legs with a melody up it's arse and a beat between it's teeth! meow!

sigh. the search for andrew scott kontinues. altho it's probably best that i wait until my komputer sorts itself out before i go making graphics. apaprently what looks lovely on lord lukin, looks like barf on all sensible machines.

still no halloween kostume, still no konkrete halloween plans. either one of the moulin rouge whores or one of the damzels from rufus' april fools video. lots of homework this longweekend. apparently jake is taking his first unsurpervised, fully licensed excursion in the jeep tomorrow and going to frenchies or the sally ann. i want in. cherakee is koming over at some point tomorrow so we kan work on her resume, and then going with jake. i work at 6.

i have so many things i can be doing. holy headache, where did you kome from? oh, maybe courtney's caturwauling on full blast maybe?

"you have a tattoo of our band? you foooool! oh my god! you know, when you get with the lord you kan just change the e to a y and then you can be 'holy'.." - courtney

i am entirely too amused by cotton eyed joe and the queef themesong -TAKE IT DUUUUUUDE!
[bono vox: valerie loves me - hole]

[MONOCT222001|10:06 p.m.]

| he's a mess but he'll say yes |

good god canadians kan't sing. the finale of the music without borders live was painful. alanis morrisette and raine maida screeching away in the same room? more than one kan take. and i was disapointed in the heavy reliance on lyric sheets - you're not allowed to be a musician in canada without first memorizing neil young's entire body of work. i, er, read it somewhere....

ok audiogalaxy. i finally have a whole list of mp3's to download and suddenly you're not working? retard. i might jsut go to bed. i'm feeling useless with homework, i showered before i babysat...i'm exhausted, so why not sleep? i have a busy week. i didn't think it would be but now i'm realising that YEAH it is. essay by wednesday? krap. unkooperative group for global history? krap.

i jsut watched the trashiest movie while babysitting. i kan't beleive the parents let these kids rent it, and watch it multiple times. there's this one cheap part [ONE cheap part? snort...] where the lead character has a revelation by way of reading the dead girls diary it was so awful, the kids were covering their ears and making gagging noises as the voiceover said "SEX! ...ray made me have SEX!...SEX with ray!..he RAPED ME...SEX!" hehe. and of course this happens twice, as the character has a flashback to the flashback, the kids kouldn't take it! it had candace cameron bure, from full house. she's awful, first of all. and also casper van diem. or whatever his name is. it was called like, nightscream or something like that. it MUST have been a made for tv movie. rent it for the sheer unintentional-hilarity factor. i kan't describe just how awful it was. it's from 1996. but that's no exkuse.

and then i watched the weakest link with all the disgraced celebrities. it was so beautiful. genious. i kept thinking "do you know how much i would PAY to see this nightly?" they banked $1000 in the first round. kato kaelin was hte strongest link at one point...what's that saying? darva conger has done something surgically to her face. eek.

tomorrow i go to theodore the tugboat and get the second grad pictures done. i hope it's funner than the fairview inn picture.
[bono vox: poor boy - nick drake]

[SUNOCT212001|10:43 a.m.]

| i don't speak the language |

ok. it's not going to happen. damn. it was weird...i emailed him the seller in german...bad altavista german...and i geuss the seller sensed that i just do not speak german [no matter how many times i've seen run lola run and bandits...], so simone wrote back in english. i'm touched. and relieved. the seller basically told me not to win it, because i would have to either wire german marks, or do a direct debit in german marks to his/her bank account. hard stuff. PLUS i would have to pay his/her ebay fee. i was outbid and i'll leave it at that. but hello, kan people do that? have the buyer pay the ebay fee? it sounds like highway freakin' robbery to me.

it's my brother andrew's 9th birthday today. i was dragged out of bed at 9 something to wrap his gift, which i did so using double sided tape and 12 scraps of wrapping paper, half asleep. [ha. then mom kame upstairs, looked at me, and then reached into her kloset and retrieved a whole roll of birthday wrapping paper. doh.]

i'm eating a buffy the vampire slayer sucker. good bless extra treatbags.

ok, i haven't seen this side of sunday 11 am in years, i'm sure. what to do? what to do! i MUST have an arseload of homework i could be doing, i'm sure of that too. but i think i'm going to take advantage of the fact that i have not only BOTH of my parents and 2 kars at my disposal, but also my older sister and go beg someone to take little orphan leenie out drivin'. vroooom.
[bono vox: fire up the batmobile - liz phair]

[SUNOCT212001|12:48 a.m.]

holy god. i'd really like to go to bed, but i made the mistake of checking out "what my name meant" evidently, it means a lot of bullshit that has nothing to do with me. notice they tell me in every name that i need to be more expressive. i'm sitting here in a plaid fucking poncho having already removed my 10 gallon hat, neck scarf and red ronald mcdonald wig...would someone like to give me some hints on new ways to express myself? hmmm?

Colleen:
You are a quick study, and can be self-taught [NO]. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate [YES]. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love [? NOT SETTING THE WORLD ON FIRE]. You have much inner strength [?NOT SETTING THE WORLD ON FIRE]. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature [YES]. Equality and fairness are important to you [EQUALITY YES, FAIRNESS WHATEVER]. You must learn the lessons of self-worth; learn to love yourself before you can love others [WHATEVER]. You can be quite inventive and quite curious[YES]. You need to learn to be expressive[KISS MY ASS]. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood [I'VE GOTTEN USED TO IT]. You can handle details well[NOT IMPORTANT DETAILS, MEANINGLESS DETAILS]. You have a methodical mind [HA. I'VE NOT A METHODICAL BONE IN MY EFFING BODY].

Margaret:
You want to be productive and feel useful, and enjoy helping solve problems[YES]. You like to be busy and not waste time[ER, I GUESS SO. DOESN"T STOP ME THO...]. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life[AFTER A LARGE INTAKE OF SUGAR, YES]. You enjoy a challenge[FUN ONES, AT LEAST]. You can take thought-directed actions[I DON"T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS]. You are a hard worker when you make up your mind to do a job[FUCK YES]. You have a need to be up front[I WOULD SAY SO. OH AND YOU'RE FLY'S DOWN, BTW...]. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion[MENTAL ABILITES, YES, OPINION, NO]. You need to learn to be expressive[WHAT THE EVER]. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood[IT HAPPENS ALL THE FREAKING TIME]. Your privacy is important to you[NOT SO AS YOU'D NOTICE]. You have a rich inner life. [IS THIS A NICE WAY OF SAYING I HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES? IF SO, THEN YES...]

Hennan:
You are an 11th hour person, always succeeding just in the nick of time [MY SISTER AND I BOTH]. The lesson of money is prominent in your life[I DON"T KNOW HOW TO INTERPRET THIS, BUT YES THE HENNANS ARE WEIRD WITH MONEY. ALTERNATELY STINGY THEN FLUSH]. You need to learn to be expressive[FUCK YOU, THIS IS GETTING ANNOYING]. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood[STICK IT UP YOUR ASS]. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr[I TRY NOT TO BECAUSE I'VE SEEN MY FAMILY MEMBERS AT WORK]. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr[I'M TRYING MY BEST!]. You have a need to be up front[DAMN STRAIGHT MOTHERFUCKAH]. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr[CAN IT ASSHOLE].

why did they tell me not to be a martyr 3 freaking times in hennan? that is fucking scary because actually, i would name that as the biggest hennan default. the need to be a martyr. otherwise, it's just hogwash.
[bono vox: - ]

[SUNOCT212001|12:35 a.m.]

oh my god. a lomo SHIRT!?!?! i need it. NEED it!.

ok, so...i have yet to send back my lomo...mostly becuase i spent like all my money today. i'll do taht next week...but i'm already on the prowl for a new one. HOWEVER...all ebay has in my price range are fucking SMENAS! arg. i dunno if i want another SOKOL 2 ...they're wonderufl kameras, but prone to malfunction. which i don't want. i want a sokol 2 like kamera, that doesn't break down a lot. kan you dig it? however, on ebay at the moment, they DO have 1987 models, manufactured in 2001. it would msot definitely work. sigh. i have settle for bidding on the lomo answer to the quadcam [which i WANT. similar also to the sport 35...] drawback: i don't know the S&H, and the seller is german. i hope altavista is accurate, and that the german selelr emails me back a decent S&H estimate. because the german mark makes the canadaian dollar almost look AMERICAN. and i don't really understand his method of payment, but whatever. that fact is that i want a lomo action sampler damnit.
[bono vox: - ]

[FRIOCT192001|11:23 p.m.]

| i'm a cut rate imitator:i'm a second hand fornicator |

here she be, sarah the BEST POLAROID EVER PRODUCED BY THE HAND OF COLLEEN HENNAN:
holy timing, eh?

ok, so lenny the lomo is going to be packaged off. i got an email from SovietCamera, and you know in hindsight it's like duh colleen of course russian people work there, but i got this email and it's so beautiful, regarde:
Hello,
We are sorry.
Sould you ,please,send the camera back and we will refund money.
Thank you,
Olga.

OLGA! how russian is THAT?! ok, now i must go find myself a FUNCTIONAL lomo. growl.

took the lesbian test: "Lezza, whatever. If it moves, you'll consider it. You are either a greedy bisexual, or you are greedy-bisexual-curious. You want to have your cake and eat it. Of course. Why have cake and not eat it? That would be stupid. Make sure you save a piece for me (slut)"

my dadee's here, along with the box of stuff from my grandparents' house that is now mine. i've been babbling about this box since i got back from his house. it's important to me. i WILL get amanda the scanning slave to scan my rapunzal-mother. and you will all ooh and ahh accordingly. ...and then we will stick a picture of me up next to her and you will all be suitably disappointed.

it's fucking sad when the buzz&humm of your speakers is always louder than your music, no matter how loud you turn it up. dear god, i need some new mp3's. despite the fact that i already have too many, and need to klean 'em out. maybe i'm jsut too tired to be excited right now.
[bono vox: generator - elastica]

[THURSOCT182001|02:37 p.m.]

| i was happy being quiet, but of course they wouldn't leave me alone |

quickity quick:
i)lomo is kaput...seller BETTER stop ignoring my emails about 30 day money back guarantee
ii)daily notes due tomorrow and i work tonight and i have a vocab test and assorted other things. it's been a busy week. no posting, eh?
iii) for our grad class picture i actually wore my 'colleen' shirt, bespite the fact i look jsut hiddeous in it. i want a way to be able to find myself in the pictur, ok?
iiii)holy alzheimers. now i forget the rest. AND IT WAS FUCKING URGENT.
iiiii) erm. i umm took a nice polaroid yesterday? amanda will scan. i had half a mind to send it to sarah, but frankly it's my favorite polaroid yet and i can't part with it.
iiiiii)i kan't stop eating. yet i had to wear a belt this afternoon because my cords feel too big again. ?? WRISTS stop ITCHING for the love of JEHOVAH!

ok, well bye then, i guess. sory kiddies, grandma's memory is not what it used to be....
[bono vox: child psychology - black box recorder]

[TUESOCT162001|04:39 p.m.]
NO! N O ! the horror! the horror! i saw it coming! after T left, i knew she was bound to go soon....NO!
[bono vox: the trees - pulp]

[TUESOCT162001|04:06 p.m.]

| yeah, the trees |

alrighty two absurd happenings in bridgewater today:
1)the mall has been closed due to an anthrax scare !!!! apparently, some zellers employees found powdery stuff in a box of stock from pakistan. now why would pakistan [there's a difference between afghanistan and pakistan PEOPLE. "duh...well they both got them 'stans' on the end there, and it's right hard like to thell them apart! hyuk *scratchscratchSPIT*" way to go, ignorent townsfolk of bridgewater] send antrax to shitty ol, COMPLETELY UNIMPORTANT bridgewater ns? we're nothing to no one. now why couldn't this have happened thursday, when i'm supposed to work 3 hours, and have my dailynotes done for the next day? and you know that some yokel who works at zellers is completely sheepish right now, and also a bit twitchy from the withdrawl, because his blow was mistaken for anthrax and taken away from him.

2)SOMEONE SHIT IN THE HALLWAY TODAY AT BEAUTIFUL, PRISTINE BRIDGEWATER JR/SR HIGH. now, i frequently refer to my place of learning as "a shithole", but i really never meant it literally. sure it smells, and is dirty [man, it sounds like some inner city school. but it reality, it's completely rural...with students that behave and smell worse than farm animals] but no one's ever gone that extra mile, y'know? and actually, by the end of school people were saying that some grade 9 shit in mr. rice's science class. this does not explain how it got in the hallway outside the yearbook room [where we all camp out YAY for us...], and the stairwell [that i use to go home. BARF.] but er...rice is a gruff, scary wee man. i'm not even gonna MAKE the joke. because i have already, like 10 times.

and it was not completely digested either. jake swore he could see some corn. and then he threw a crumbly muffin at me.

anyway. enough POO, alright already? question: sarah, is the background of your new leaftastic layout supposed to be red or black? because it's black at home, and red at school. ?
[bono vox: the trees - pulp]

[SUNOCT142001|04:57 p.m.]
someone? please?
[bono vox: baker baker - tori amos]

[SUNOCT142001|01:15 p.m.]

| i know your mother's a good one |

...and i love robin again.

holy god, my mother is the cutest thing in the entire world. i shuffled downstairs 20 minutes ago, where she greeted me warmly and half hugged me. stunned, i wondered if anyone had died. i said "you know mom, i't's only been 10 hours since i last saw you. i was only in my room sleeping...?" she said something about me being grumpy. i said "no, i'm just tired. and i desperately need to pee." i shuffled off to the bathroom, while my michelina's cooked in the microwave. i come out and she looks at me funny and asks hesitantly "are you awake?" i laugh hysterically, and ask her what she's going on about, but she's dead serious and she looks embarrassed. and, holy god she's so cute. it goes something like this:
mom: ok....no...no, you're going to laugh.
me: more than likely. when am i ever not?
mom: i was up last night thinking! trying to find something for you to do that you would, you know...be passionate about. and get you out of a small town where you can be happy.
me (reading cooking instructions for my michelinas): uh huh...
mom: (more general 'no this is stupid' 'you're just going to laugh at me' stutterings)
colleen: mom, say it
mom: what about photojournalism...? (pause as i look up at her with a chuckle) NO! listen, becuase then you can take your pictures but also since you're so intelligent and articulate, you've got a point of view and you're attractive and you think outside the box and you could live in a city ...(more rushed mother-compliments, that only she would ever say because she's my mother and only a mother would hold me in that high regard. by now i'm full on laughing...)
me (interrupting): MOM. the guy i jobshadowed with recommended photojournalism to me. i've been thinking about photojournalism already...
mom: when were you going to tell me this?!?! i've been up worrying and trying to find something for you to do, and i finally tell you and you stand there smirking at me going "oh yeah, mum. i already thought of that..." and what did your obshadow guy say to you?
me: well i'd only been there 20 minutes. i'm not sure what this was based on. but he asked me if i could write well. i said that sometimes i can cobble together a paragraph. shrug..
mom: sigh....

this is what comes of my mother watching cnn. a l l d a y.



i can't wait for friday, when my dad brings me the box of photographs and stuff. there's this picture of my mother that i want amanda to scan so i can post it. i would be so lucky to look like my beautiful mother. i try half-heartedly to have her former hair, but i'm just a cheap knock off and i know it. she's a princess and anything that even remotely resembles beauty that i possess is all thanks to her.
[bono vox: take to the sky - tori amos]

[SATOCT132001|05:29 p.m.]

| fall for it |

ok. there's a small glitch in my lomo fairy tale. i don't ride off into the sunset taking wonderfully wacky pictures. i can't get the film loaded. because the winder is stuck. i have 2 options. a) email seller see if he knows how to unstick it, and b) get mr. matthews to look at it. damn it all!

the new pulp song is delightful. and...so is the video. jarvis actually looks deserving of sarah's praise. for once. snickersnicker.

umm. excuse me. ok. i guess gurlmail is shutting down. this is sudden. ok, well it's not like i don't have 200 other email addressses. but i have used gurlmail exclusively sicne 98/99. oh hey, i don't even have my email listed on harlis yet. way to go colleen. lordy! i don't even have links! when was someone gonna tell me this? anyway. leenie-bean@excite.com or jhennan@bwr.eastlink.ca. use those. i guess no more word of the day emails for me. i have like 200 emails saved in there, i guess i'm losing them. and i don't have time to muddle through them.

does this mean i've got to go around to everyplace i've got a password and change my info? i don't even want to ESTIMATE how many passwords i have in my email. uh oh. this is trouble.

back to daily notes i go.
[bono vox: i shot a dog - sparklehorse]

[FRIOCT122001|03:42 p.m.]

| bones sinking like stones |

this is good. type of hat you would wear if it were going to be permanent?

lomo is here! stinking like gasoline, but whatever...i had it at school because i discovered it in our stormdoor this morning and didn't have time to open it. and so i carried it around, and mr. penny made me show it to him. i tried to tell him all i could about the little sucker, but in truth it's still somewhat of a mystery to me. for more, go here.

ok. and also, there will be no replacement trip. at all. it is now up to my friends and i to rally...and then travel. muhahaha.
[bono vox: fire up the batmobile - liz phair]

[THURSOCT112001|10:55 p.m.]

gaz, it's fucking OVER, alright? i've told the boy he's not to cut his hair-and about a million times too!
[bono vox: - ]

[THURSOCT112001|04:16 p.m.]
au revoir, monsier le burden...my shoulders are giving you the finger and making fun of the way you walk as you exit. they crack up and then sigh with relief.

the greece trip is indeed cancelled. i found out JUST as i had finished failing a test and i was so happy, i didn't even care about the test i failed! but it's still complicated. i may get my money back or we may take a replacement trip within kanada. which should rock...IF IT WERE TO LAST MORE THAN 3 FUCKING DAYS! tell me, would YOU pay $600 to spend 3 days in quebec? somehow i think i could find a cheaper quebec weekend. or of course there's always the option of just my friends & i going to quebec or my personal favorite: MY DEAR AND BEAUTIFUL HOME CITY, y'know..the tee dot oh dot, or whatever those crazy torontonians are kalling it these days. i'm not up on it all, not having lived there since 1995.

if i get to go with me friends to toronto, sarah better run and hide because i VOW to seek her out and knock on her door and become a member of her kool family. i'm an orphan, y'know.

and yes jamie...wakey wakey, a lomo is winging it's way towards me [supposedly] as we speak. from a guy who sells soviet kameras in minnetonka. i got it off ebay, it's a SOKOL 2 model, and for a really good site go to sovietcamera.com because they're the people who sold me the kamera, just through ebay. dig it? go there to peruse the different models, and absorb the specs, and select which model is right for you and THEN search ebay for a dirt cheap one. OR i suppose, you being american and not suffering from the ungodly excange rate, could just buy the kamera directly off sovietcamera.com.

hmmm. i must now drag my disturbingly itchy chin [?] and my mouthwatering derriere to my place of employment. where i shall kut alex down from the rafters in the back room where she has killed herself, desolete over the 104 boxes of stock she faces. or of course she could always just take one of the 'this bag is not a toy' bags that every piece of merchandise komes in, and suffocate herself. hmm...that would work really well, actually...seeing as her head is a shade on the small side [to put it nicely]
[bono vox: - ]

[WEDOCT102001|09:15 p.m.]

| i hope we don't die |

"...& when he licks himself it's like have a rumble pack up my butt!"-james, on the drawback of the cat falling asleep on your ass while you read your bedtime story, and then trying to sleep after leenie says lights out, shouted from his room to me out here in the hallway just minutes ago.
[bono vox: giggling - little hennan boys]

[WEDOCT102001|05:09 p.m.]

| he scares easily |

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY LOMO?

according to this, as of october 3rd, the dude got my payment. how far is minnesota from nova scotia? C'MON NOW!

wow. pheromones is well and truly fucked. i took a look at it. alex made a big fat grade a mess. silly alex.
[bono vox: wives and lovers - dionne warwick]

[TUESOCT92001|06:03 p.m.]

| where is mary? |

uh oh. alphagetti w/ worchestor sauce is incredibly good. i shudder to think where this culinary knowledge will lead me.

homework. NOW.
[bono vox: 15 feet of pure white snow - nick cave]

[TUESOCT92001|04:56 p.m.]

| bloodsuckers hide |

hmmm, well...i've got 3 classes of math to catch up on, a history test tomorrow, a stupid story to write for crs [that i sent to myself as an attatchment, but i obviously missed the class on attatchments...as it did not arrive,] 5 weeks of daily notes not done and due on the 19th, 2 rewrites for english, and about 33 heart of darkness questions to vaguely answer for tomorrow. it's 5 pm...why am i sitting here spelling 'colour' and 'maggots' for my brother and finding him information on various seeds for his seed proect due friday. i have my photo class tomorrow, and i work thursday, friday, AND saturday and long shifts too because sheri is still on vacation. oh and i have to make dinner because mom and james are at hockey. aherm. and now i reap what my NB vacation did sow. le sigh.
[bono vox: eyepennies - sparklehorse]

[MONOCT82001|09:42 p.m.]

| well, fuck 'em...i aim to disappoint |

i love it how everyone dies when i'm gone. i'm like sunlight, yo. we're talking LIFEFORCE... MESSIAH TYPE POWER HERE!

shirley manson is a sexy BEAST: "i feel i owe it to myself and others to rage constantly, but for my own self-preservation, i sometimes have to not rage 100 percent."

and once again, the pawn shops of fredericton have yielded to me the sweet and juicy bounty of their $5 cds. last time it was parklife, this time it was under the pink! hurrah and congratulations all around. and both my parents appear to enjoy it. i could only laugh and thank my lucky stars they can't make out what tori's saying. which hand you use, indeed, ms. amos....

i have spent the last 2 weeks in the company of males. so happy to see my mother. who strangely enough, is female. whaddya know?

ok fredericton may have good pawn shops and antique stores, but it has crappy water...i must be off to warsh my lucious locks...
[bono vox: drip drip drip - the faucet]

[TUESOCT22001|05:34 p.m.]

| don't you know when you're well off? |

ok. wait. before i go, i updated my mp3 list for the first time in a million years.

oh...and i jsut peaked in my bedroom and SOMEONE [again, read: MON PERE!] has made my bed. here's the deal: i've gone without sheets on my bed for a year, for a number of reasons [i don't care if you find that disgusting...i don't give a damn], and last week my father found my sheets on my floor, washed them, and then made my bed [without asking. but never mind. i don't suppose it occurs to him that i have a preference, even if he believes that said preference is gross.] so...i haven't made my bed since then, because obviously i'm not a bed-maker. maybe i threw the covers over once..., but anyway i don't really have time in the morning. so 2 days in a row, he's made my bed. am i 7 or 17?

right. really. i'm departing now, farewell.
[bono vox: kidnapping an heiress - black box recorder]

[TUESOCT22001|04:19 p.m.]

| i will return here one day and dig up my bones from the clay |

ok. colleen just hit indie video paydirt. i was searching for the lyrics to bbr's 'child psychology' @ google, and got the video for it instead. and you won't BELIEVE their selection! it's so bizarre... first of all, there's the rock/metal section that is chalk full of videos that belong on the wedge! hefner, the get up kids, an assload of the dandys and all these jamie-style videos! i watched child psychology, gorky's zygotic mynci, the (international) noise conspiracy, super furry animals and they've even got a few belle and sebastian videos! i had no idea belle and sebastian even MADE videos! and then there's the pop section which believe it or not, actually has some radiohead [2 ones for idioteque], cat power and ben folds five and stuff. run my children, run over to the lycos video section!

i got my big fat summer reading journals back from la penny. anyway you slice it, you got 100, but everyone got 100 out of a different thing. you with me? for example: cherakee got 20/20 [highest in the class] and i got 15/15. i was expecting single digits. but he wrote "thanks for the chat" on the front. apparently i was super-hyper reflective for heart of darkness, but not so much for the other two [i didn't think we had to be reflective for the 2nd two. otherwise i would have been super-hyper reflective for them as well], and i wrote a lot about him...i wrote to him and stuff, and the egotistical bastid liked that. so, afterclass i stuck around to tell him i'd be gone for the rest of the week, and ask if there's anything he wants to give me to do to keep up with everyone. he said no, but we started talking about my journals, and he asked if i kept a diary. without really thinking i said no. but now i'm like...wait? harlis? pheromones? snogged? what are those? journals? blogs? i have no klue. anyway, i wouldn't have told that ratbastid about the internet anyway. hello? me=not stupid. or at least colleen > stupid. haha! i just wrote a math test, kan ya tell? i wish i had a little "less than or equal to" sign on me keyboard to correctly convey the sentiment. oh well. the point is penny thinks i have a very 'different' way of writing, and that in 5 years time i "won't believe i wrote like that" or something. ha. i tried really hard not to tell him that my 'different' writing is merely me rambling uncontrollably, without any notion or concept as to what is appropriate to tell one's english teacher, or what is relevant to english class. in short: VERBAL DIARHHEA ON A FRIGGING PAGE!

okie. so i'm going to leave tomorrow for new brunswick. i'll be gone, i'm assuming, until monday. i doubt i'll be able to post. any internet time will be spent doing my history proect. i'm scheduled to tour mount allison university tomorrow, but then i have no klue what i'm up to for the rest of the thanksgiving holiday...besides homework, getting to help make the turkey and then eating it come sunday. your guess is as good as mine. try not to miss me too desperately, alright kiddies? shanks.

oh, and a triple shanks to alex for working tonnes more than she needs to because colleen can't. you know i appreciate it hun, and i love you to bits and i hope your week improves. i owe you, and i will repay.
[bono vox: eyepennies - sparklehorse]

[TUESOCT22001|12:32 a.m.]

| all you've got to do to stay alive is drive |

ARG! my computer has been un-named! i named the thing lord lucan, and then dutifully pencilled it on the moniter, and now i see SOMEONE [read: mon pere!] has made a valient effort at erasing it. now it's "d lucan", and really faint! DAMNIT IT'S MY COMPUTER AND IF I WRITE ON IT, THEN SO BE IT!

ok. this picture might not turn out. hah. i've got the family minolta blanced precariously on top of the computer trying to take a picture of myself [no tripod], because the lighting is good out here. my self portraits never turn out. i've got some dazzling ones of my ear....

i just shattered a lightbulb after taking pictures of my brothers while they sleep. i have a LOT of pictures of andrew and james sleeping. sick? ...no they're just too cute...and i've got this professional b&w film that i've been ordered to fill. lol. like THAT'S gonna be hard. i'm on #12 already. and i still need to take a picture of my new/old hardwood floor, my doorknob and my mummy and her death sticks.

newsflash: my mother, trudging sleepily along to her bed has just declared black box recorder to be "nice." ding ding ding! we have a winnah. my mother likes some of my muzak. bits and pieces. weird bits and pieces tho. she'll love belle and sebastian, yet hate nick drake, yet enjoy black box recorder [originally she thought i was listening to enya. silly mutha.]

speaking of wee master james, he embarked upon the great canadian dream today; the destiny of every little maple blooded boy in this nation: he had his first hockey lesson. he was originally slated to start last year, but broke his arm 2 weeks before hockey started. i have pictures of that too, because my doorknob parents were like "this is probably one of those things we take pictures of, right? colleen? where are all the cameras? is there any film?" [you can tell that my parents are older and that there's a BIG gap between my sister and i, and my 2 brothers. poor andrew and james have like 2 pictures of their life thus far. the second time around they're sut like "eh..." and go back to their ovaltine. ok. i exaggerate. my mom is only 46, and dad is only 53. andrew and james are 9 and 7.] and the b&w film is all i have. i'm supposed to be using it for my darkroom course. oh well. i'll have delightfully artful pictures of little red headed james hennan in his hockey gear, trying desperately to look tough, but just being cuter than a bug in a rug. the boy can't help it!
[bono vox: the english motorway sytem - black box recorder]

[MONOCT12001|12:44 p.m.]

| her stomach is so tight |

ok. new rule. no mention of food whatsoever in my presence, particularly my abundant/under intake of it. as i stood just half an hour ago, making chocolate milk, aware that my father was watching me, i was careful not to put 5 heaping tablespoons like always. he said something like "having more pudding?" and i laughed and put the milk away and then he said it: "looks like you're not caring about your diet anymore." colleen: "er...yeah." inside head: "WTF? i was NOT on a BLEEDING D I E T! and what are you saying exactly, anyway? my shirt IS tight today, but that's because you shrunk it! (at least i hope you shrunk it. or otherwise it's just me.)"

and oh my lord, you do not want to see him make chocolate milk. where do you think i learned to make it with 5 heaping tablespoons of powder? how do you think i became addicted?

it was so surreal yesterday afternoon as i stood in the kitchen making garlic bread. i cut myself a piece of cheese and then put sweet and sour sauce on it and ate it ( a practice i've been told is disgusting ), turned around to find my father eating chocolate chips straight out of the container. and i was like "see?" any problems i have with eating i have inherited or observed. ..and then i proceeded to drink worcestor sauce right out of the bottle. (his thing is sweet, my thing is sour )
[bono vox: that girl - esthero]

[SUNSEPT302001|11:24 p.m.]

| there will be time to murder and create |

AMANDA?! get thine bones ovah here! (wanker)

for the curious: i'm colin. wait. no, i'm ed, the faceless one. THEN i'm colin. so...which is it? mr. no-features-not-freaky or bug eye boy? amanda? help? am i really like ed and is this good?!?!?
[bono vox: crazy/boring piano study shite - cbc radio]

[SUNSEPT302001|09:09 p.m.]

| get some sleep tonight |

praise allah. mama has returned. with ten bucks from my grandparents! yahoo! i'm rollin' in it!

alright children. snogged is gone. 15 months isn't long, unless you consider that this is the internet, where 3 weeks is an eternity. just get a tissue and move on, and enjoy the cheeky german whore that is harlis. [ for she likes girls and boys. fun for everyone. ]
[bono vox: don't get your back up - sarah harmer]

[SATSEPT292001|09:47 p.m.]

| & i'm not kidding |

oh, and p.s: you cannot air you opinions in the workplace without fallout. it's just not possible. god help you if chose to confide in the wrong person. it always gets back to the boss.
[bono vox: wild horses - chris cornell and some other people...]

[SATSEPT292001|09:20 p.m.]

| you tore bits out of me |

catatonia broke up a couple days ago. no fair, i haven't managed to get my hands on any of their cds yet. that is the sad cd situation in the town i live in: bands disband before their products reach our dusty, hallowed shores.

frangible. apparantly, it's really a word.

tonight we went into mahone bay and ate at the mug and anchor. then we did a graveyard tour. it was cold. i enjoyed myself. my father and james were too cold and left early. andrew and i soldiered on. they showed us the parts of the cemetary were the kept the suiciders. it was not consecrated, and not very well kept. the rest of the graveyard was meticulous. they have graves from 1700 something. they also said there was 1200+ people buried in there, but there was only 500+ grave markers. nice.

they gave out glowsticks, but sadly, took them back when it was over. cheap bastids. i resisted the urge to ravedance, and instead stuffed mine in my bra and made an 'immaculate heart' joke then laughed myself silly. my brothers didn't understand and my dad didn't hear me. le sigh. it's hard being the only girl in the house, with 2 little boys and my deafening father. it's been so freakin' quiet. i'm not saying my mother is a loud person really, but it's like she's the only one who bothers to upkeep the conversation!

so. i have masses of homework and a dismantled room to deal with. i should attend to those things. but i also have photography books from the library. whimper.
[bono vox: dazed beautiful & bruised - catatonia]

[TUESEPT252001|10:36 p.m.]

| johnny wants a brain. |

wow. my instinct is to like undeclared. i may not actually like the show...it's possible i don't. considering the dandy warhols theme song, rufus' daddy, and the presence of a british boy, it's conceivable that i'm not even paying attention to the show. but i was amused this evening.

snogged is holding out. how? i've taken it off life support. what is it clinging to? I CAN'T KILL IT!

i just got back ftom babysitting, and i have a cheque for 25 big canadian dollars dans ma pochete. relief til payday! i have not a scrap of film. i should go buy some. wow. i'm wearing my old clothes, the ones that don't fit. because there aren't any good clothes clean for me. and i'm too scared to check the basement, for fear of finding my beautiful, expensive new good-fitting clothing in ruins. i'm not sure if mom did laundry before she left. i'm missing 3 out of 5 pants.

mom is gone this week to cape breton. so dad is here. he's hopeless with laundry.

i should go do homework. should.

haha. i came home from babysitting to find my dad watching billy elliot. i asked him eagerly if he likes it...but he's having a hard time following it. because he can't get the closed captioning to work. i'm trying to figure out a way to kindly suggest a hearing aid for the OTHER ear, as well.

i walked along our street, past every house with a blue bag in front in preparation for the garbage man tomorrow morning. i came to my residence, and found a garbage bag. sigh. the garbage/recyclables are my job. and i love help. except for when the help doesn't know what week it is, and puts out the wrong thing. heee.

no seriously, there are so many better things to do. i cleaned part of my room today at my father's insistance. i have a path. and i found all my great 'i'll use this for daily ntoes' stuff and i'm going insane. too many options. i managed to peel my cover off. gulp. now what am i gonna replace it with? anyway, i should at least do some entries. and then some math. and then some english. history [fat chance] if i'm lucky. and figure out how to look like our vice principal circa 1971 for our shitty drama skit.
[bono vox: flight recorder from viking 7 - mgb]

[FRISEPT212001|10:57 p.m.]

| these tired feet they still run. |

i have a zit. i think i'll name it frank. frank penny. because a) frank penny the man, the myth, the monster, the english teacher is quite a zit-like creature himself and b) i swear to god he caused it. a week of poor sleep, poor nutrition and hours in front of the computer, chin in palm has given me a zit. thanks a lot, penny...you ruin me everytime.

today in crs, i found stanley donlon's graphic editor. i was amazed!
[bono vox: the ocean - matthew good band]

[THURSEPT202001|02:57 p.m.]

| losing the reason |

damnit. i can never remember anything anymore.

the last couple days my muscles have apparently been on vacation. or maybe they're on strike. which is fine as long as i can hide it. but it's spreading to my face. first class, i smiled at my friends and they laughed back -- because my smile was registering on the richter scale. two classes later, amanda noticed my face vibrating, from across the room, WITHOUT her glasses on. now i can only type one sentence at a time and then drop my poor dead arms into my lap for a little rest, and then valiantly struggle to pick 'em back up again. they shake and feel like lead. help?

ok. i must get off the computer. my body is dead. maybe i'll get a lot of homework done then if i'm a cripple. ahh...the advatages of being a cripple.....
[bono vox: metal heart - cat power]

[WEDSEPT192001|09:23 p.m.]

| walk on part in the war / lead role in a cage |

yesterday i won this. how exciting. a wacko russian camera, all of my very own. it's flashless. the lomo is the elephant man of cameras, and it_is_MINE. i will love it/ cradle it/ cherish it for ever, etc etc. i shall oil it nightly and stroke it lovingly if it will reciprocate and grant me beautiful, award winning photos.

oh my lord. there is an entire underground lomography society eek and it's weird. what have i gotten myself into?

hehe. ok well i've joined the lomo cult. mostly because they're sending me something free. haha. suckah for the free stuff....
[bono vox: wish you were here - sparklehorse/radiohead]

[WEDSEPT192001|03:59 p.m.]

| baby, you're dying |

I usually like to name the summer once it's over, because they are usually marked by obsessions and/or obsessive activities. summer 2001 will be known from hereonin as The Summer I Slept At The Other End Of My Bed And Clawed At My Eyeballs, Despite The Medication. it was a good summer, believe it or not. And true to form, and like all other good summers before it [or wait...has there ever been a good summer before this one?] it ended too soon. the bad ones drag. and torture. past summers have included drama camps, sick supergrass fixations, psycho jello, obsessions with sheryl crow [beleive it or not] then garbage/hole, then rufus and many others...collaging day and night. this summer i did tonnes of creative things. and that is good. i ate lots of jello too. yumm.

i think for the next couple days i will live on my special cheese bread, and Quaker apple crumble chewy bars. now that's a meal. i really hate food and all that hassle, but this meal is a delight. a smile from start to finish. i am on my 3rd piece of cheese bread. in can unite the world in peace, i truly believe that. you put it in your fucked up 'warm bread/burnt to oblivion' toaster that you have made garlic bread in twice a day for the past two weeks [mom is about ready to confiscate my garlic. she says i eat weird. pft.] which is, consequentially, really garlicy, and you toast for 2 minutes, and then put a bit of i can't believe it's not butter on it, and put it back in for another minute. it's perfect. then you have an apple crumble bar and your choice of beverage.

i have the most exquisite mp3s. i got a bunch of rare/unplugged/demo hole tracks. oh wait...my mp3 lsit isn't up, is it? that's because this isn't a real pita. it's just a test run. poor harlis. she wants to be a REAL boy! no strings to hold her down, and the like...

we got a new exchange student au jour d'hui. julian. he's from columbia. we know because he wore a shirt that says 'columbia' on it. however, this did not prevent the bio teacher from making a comment to julian about 'being mexican.' le sigh. welcome to bridgewater, julian...we are ignorent.

"glamour urged him on, glamour kept him unscathed."[conrad, 60] what does this mean?
[bono vox: i'm afraid of americans - david bowie]

[TUESSEPT182001|06:31 p.m.]

| put on my best sunday dress |

introducing colleen's picks for the Hellcat Choir.co.uk:
/shirley manson, lead
/pj harvey, soloist
/cerys matthews
/justine frischmann
/sarah nixey
/saffron from republica

and of course their superstar svengali road manager, miss deborah harry (honorary brit).

ha. and andrea from the corrs sulks in the corner and is jeolous. na na.
[bono vox: best sunday dress (mtv unplugged) - hole]

[MONSEPT172001|03:38 p.m.]

| she said 'i've really come to hate my body and all the things that it requires...' |

i came to school this morning with the vague feeling that i was hated. and i couldn't shake it. not til at least after lunch. can't explain it.

i have been so ill in the gut. i don't know what's wrong. i can't eat enough, and then when i do my stomach doesn't like it. i have another wisdom tooth poking through on the bottom, and it's sporadically bleeding as it cuts through. so i feel like i should be gumming on something, just like a toddler. so i go get half a bagel and then my stomach EXPLODES in protest. so...ow.

just last class jake and i discovered the joy of emailing each other from 1.5 metres away, as the crs teacher stands between us. there was some frantic emailing going on. mr. smith made some mistake of english, and within 30 seconds jake received an email in his inbox mocking the incident, with an exaggerated phonetically spelled replay.

last night, i christened sarah's new computer, purely by accident. it is now excalibur. and i named mine lord lucan, after my favorite black box recorder song 'lord lucan is missing.' you're all quaking with excitement i am assured.
[bono vox: mary's little elbows - sparklehorse]

[SUNSEPT162001|09:03 p.m.]

| i got a sunburn waiting for the jets to land |

what does the phrase 'giving up the ghost' mean? where in the hell did it originate? ghosts can give up...retire their hauntings and go the condo of their choice in the afterlife...but we can't give up ghosts, they aren't ours to hold! ghosts do what they want. we can't make them stick around. and maybe that's the point. to 'give up the ghost' is to finally realise the tattered piece of cloth that you are thumb-and-forefingering is uhhh...all in your mind. so let it go.

the dictionary weighs in: "to die or expire" thank you dictioanry for being absolutely no help whatsoever...

yesterday my mum won $200. wow. someone's lucky week is another's funeral. i am currently negotiating with her to send at least a portion of it to the red cross disaster relief fund.

i have finished heart of darkness. and i have no clue what i just read. coles notes are not helping. what the fuck? there appears to be no ascertainable point/theme/moral to this book.

you know we hate each other's music, and we're positive each other are imposters and we're the real deal. amanda doesn't like evolution revolution love...cher loves it...i think it's pretty good, but i have a problem with the live guy, and not for his vocals but for his work with live. amanda is thrilled to death with the esthero/some other guy collab. alex put on her mix...i have the cd alex got it from and i'm none too thrilled.
[bono vox: pianofire - sparklehorse]

nu mother goose
courtesy of colleen/lucy goosey
[kissed the girls and made them cry]